Should everything be left to the mom?

 

Yes and no.

 

If we accept that everything is ours then all the responsibilities belong to us. We chose our house. We chose our standards. We made the choices that resulted in children. The kids didn't have a choice in being here or in the particular life we lead. The life we give them is our gift to them.

 

If we attach strings to a gift, is it really a gift?

 

If we want to give our children the gift of a backyard, is it really a gift if we make them mow it because they should appreciate our gift to them?

 

Gifts should be given because we want someone to have something, not because we want them to appreciate it and care for it to our standards.

 

If we see that by choosing kids we are also choosing the messes they make, then those messes belong to us.

 

We don't have to do it all though! We can invite them along to help us and spend time with us. We can make being with us a pleasant experience. We can thank them and appreciate it even when they do less than we think they're capable of.

 

If my husband wanted me to help him do something I didn't like to do like help with the car, and then he complained about the job I did and told me I wasn't putting my best effort in, I'd be less eager to help next time. But if I did what I could, even if it wasn't my best, and he made the time pleasant for me because he knew I'd rather be doing something I liked better and then thanked me sincerely, I'd be more likely to put in a better effort for him next time and look forward to spending time with him even if it was working on cars because he managed to make it as pleasant as he could and he appreciated that I was willing to do something I disliked for him.

 

We can bring out the best in kids by treating them in ways that brings out the best. :-) There are ways to put relationships first and everything else second and still find ways to get the housework done. The ways are just a question away :-)